Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
