This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
please come you make the beer taste better
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
