Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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