I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
