what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We have started to decorate penises.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
