I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
