Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We need to rekindle our bromance
stop calling my apartment porn island.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
