I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
