you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
