Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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