Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
