Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
