I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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