Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
