rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
