Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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