i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
