YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
