Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
