what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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