i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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