White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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