Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
