3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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