if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
