this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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