dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
