I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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