Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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