I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
