I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
