Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
