just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
