honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
