it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
