I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
