how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
