He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
