So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
