He uses pillows to masturbate.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
