Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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