btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
