Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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