for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
