We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
