You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
