Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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