with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
