In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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