so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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